There is no one-sided definition of anyone. Everyone is a mix of complex words, images, and unspeakable words. I can’t get my head wrapped around a single definition of who I am (I am speaking beyond the surface). This is what I know for sure:
- I love to Laugh/Smile (Who doesn’t?)
- I really really love chocolate (milk)…but I don’t ever drink it.
- I am not a “world-traveler”, but I do like to go to interesting places
- I am in this lazy mid-to-late college rut (pre-post-post-rut) that I won’t be able to shake until I feel like I’m contributing something
I’m going to go ahead and bounce off of 4: I feel like everything in my life has been a build up to something bigger than myself. I’m not just speaking academically. (Learning is great, but hands-on feels a little greater). Anyway, I’m speaking about the rest of life. From the financial struggles, to my father’s blindness, to the stupid dumb f*cking cancer that took my mother’s life. I feel like the things I’ve seen, experienced, and learned from give me a certain permission to do something I wouldn’t have done before. It feels like a crazy stirring that needs to burst. Its just sitting there…waiting.
The bad thing is that I’ve been so antsy and focused on the excitement of what-if of tomorrow that I’ve forgotten about today. I can’t separate the academic life from regular life, because all of it is my life. I’ve heard it before, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Some things can make or break you. I’ve been broken before (and I will again), but the key is to not stay broken for too long. A life spent not moving forward isn’t a life at all. You can sit for as long as you like, but I’ve learned that the world keeps on moving. I don’t wan’t to be apart of the driven moving world. I’d rather take a nice, leisure walk.
You can’t rush life.
It’s not an outward/loud confidence, but it shows. It is being self-aware.
Don’t feel alone, there are over 7 billion people in the world who have or will be looking for the same thing…
“All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from,
and to, and why”